Every single day, the human race produces around 70 billion farts, meaning roughly 10 of those are yours.

Stay with me. We don't create shit. We don't build anything.

I'll have a tall cap, triple-shot half caf. Small scrap nipple slap half half.

But why doesn't your gas seem half as smelly as those around you?

What is that? No. That's like a smile. You don't smile. Cut it out.

This is nice. What? Helping Amy find a dress or day drinking? It's just nice, okay?

Then my brother came in, sat on my head, and said, "Eat farts."

I'm on vacation. Social convention dictates that I let my hair down at a local watering hole. Social convention is stupid.

Really? Of course. You hear that, Stuart?! I've got a dog and a godchild, you have nothing!

What would a theoretical physicist understand about an experiment anyway? I mean, you wouldn't know a confounding variable if two of them hit you in the face at the same time!

Are you kidding me? Well, he is the one who knew it was a comet. No, he didn't. He thought it was an eyelash!

You know what? You're right. You're the business genius. What do I know? Let's go get that loan. Thank you!

This is an ordinary top hat. You've chosen that card freely. I do not have a set of lock picks lodged in my keister.

Okay, sounds like he's back on track. Although, some days I'm, like, we've spent so much money. Why haven't we found anything? What are we doing? Oh, boy.

Hey, what're you reading? A parenting book. Oh, my God. Are we...? What... No! You think this is how I would tell you?

Wait. I have a confession. When I berated Leonard, it was a clever ruse to conceal the fact that I'm not working on anything. Well, I think I speak for everyone when I say, "No!"